Pecker...

Roomie and I are channel surfing, and we pause briefly at a plastic surgery show where a rather indignant woman was being interviewed.

Indignant Woman: "He got it in his head that, if he had a bigger pecker, he'd be happy."

Roomie: "Maybe he was a bird-enthusiast."

Of Stains and Nipples...

Roomie and I were watching an episode of Torchwood that we'd taped, when the Tide Superbowl commercial came on again (scroll down). The following conversation ensued...

Me: "I love this commercial! Probably one of the most effective commercials I've ever seen. Gets the message across fast. We can all relate."

Roomie: "Sure... I bet it'd be the same if you went to an interview wearing a shirt with the nipples cut out. You know, wear a regular blazer over top, but when you get into the interview room..."

Okay, at this point, I stopped listening to him, as I tend to do when he takes the conversation to a whole new level of crazy.

But I had to wonder what would happen if you did wear a cut-out shirt... would the interviewer mention it?... if so, would you pretend you didn't know what he/she was talking about?... would you get escorted out by security?... or would you actually get the job BECAUSE of it?

Try it out... and let me know...



5 Loves & 5 Not-Loves About Our Camping Trip

So, I'm Back!

I'm really glad to be home. No, I'm REALLY glad to be home. I'm a city girl, one that tries to live naturally while having the comforts of modern day living. Camping isn't my first choice when taking a vaca. Give me a spa and a happy, well-paid staff to pamper me for a few days, and I'm satisfied.

But my camping trip wasn't all bad. Here, I happily give you the 5 things I loved and the 5 things I didn't love so much about the trip...

5 Not Loves

1: Tent Too Small
Imagine 4 people sleeping in a 2-man tent. That was us. It doesn't matter if 2 of the people are small. They kick, squirm, hog the blankets. We need a new tent.

2: Not Veggie-Friendly
Camping is meatfest. I didn't exactly plan well to eat veg. I'm still too new at this to plan veggie eating with poor refrigeration methods over a hot-spell (it was REALLY hot!).

3: Lack of Modern Conveniences
Spruce Woods is a great place to camp, but it's still camping. You share the bathrooms and showers with many others. And cooking by campfire is hard - you need an hour to start a fire and get it to hot coals. Then you have to cook, eat, and be done before sunset because washing utensils by lamplight is a bitch.
Then you have to store everything in your car so that the crazy raccoons won't get to it.

4: Getting Sick
I started feeling ill by Wednesday (we arrived there on Monday). By Thursday morning, I was getting feverish. Sick is not good when you're roughing it, taking care of kids, and don't have the comforts of home. I felt miserable.

5: At the Mercy of the Weather
It was HOT. Seriously hot. The tent was a sauna by 11am, and by 4pm, our site was bathed in sunshine with no shade to be found. There was nowhere to hide!!!
Then on Thursday night, the thunder, lightning and rain started, so we had to quickly pack up and rush home.

Oh, and the wasps were everywhere. Grrrr.

5 Loves

1: Beautiful Spruce Woods
I wasn't kidding when I said that Spruce Woods is a great place to camp. Plenty of sites, each with room for a tent, camper or RV. And they have yurts too! Most sites are secluded from neighbours thanks to trees and bush. Many clean bathrooms, showers, and laundry facilities. A beach, playground, convenience store, burger/ice cream stand, amphitheatre, gift shop, and educational centre. Go there. You'll like it too.

2: Campfire Treats
I bitched about the lack of veggie stuff, but I eventually let loose and decided to take a "food vacation" as well. I had beef jerky, marshmallows, ice cream, garlic sausage, root beer, pudding, hot dog, etc.
Needless to say, the muffin-top is still firmly in place... in fact, I think I gained a few pounds. Oh, well.

3: Perfect Beach Weather
From Monday to Thursday, it was just sun, sun, sun! We slathered on the sunblock and enjoyed the sunshine. The breeze was cool. Perfect.

4: Relaxing with Family
All I did was read one of my favourite smutty books and relax on the beach watching my kids run around. The chores and home repairs were two hours away in the city. I didn't think about my blog at all... okay, maybe once when I was screaming at wasps and threatening to blog about them. They didn't care.

5: Low Beauty-Maintenance Living
I didn't wear lipstick all week. I didn't even use moisturizer. Didn't need to. Just before we left, I gave my hair a baking soda rinse, so I didn't have to bring shampoo for myself... just for Roomie... and by Thursday, my hair was still wavy, shiny and grease-free.

We were gone for 4 days, but Roomie wants to go for 2 weeks next year! I'm tired just thinking about it. Maybe we can rent a yurt...

The Commenter Game: Vacations

Image: packed by jsc.

As you know, I enjoy hearing from my readers, so I've decided to do a Commenter Game. I've participated in a few myself on Toni's and Shai's blogs, so now I'm doing one here too.

Okay, here's how it goes. I ask a question. The 1st Commenter answers it and leaves a new question for Commenter #2. Commenter #2 answers that question and leaves a question for Commenter #3... and so on down the chain. Makes sense, right?

The topic of today's game is: Vacations.

Please keep all questions related to the topic. Avoid asking the same questions twice. And feel free to participate more than once... just make sure we don't branch off anywhere!

Okay, let's begin!

Question for Commenter #1: How long was your longest vacation away from home?

So, What Brings You Here?

I am always amused by some of the search terms that lead people to LifeCandy.
Here are some of the odd ones of the last week...

"alphagetti sauce recipes"
"a day in rehab"
"dime blister eat"
"Peter Gabriels deep blue eyes"
"Jennifer Nettles braclets" - yes, braclets
"google blueberry perodies"
"bryan ferry eye candy"
"how to burn breast fat"

Yeah, it doesn't take a whole lot to amuse me...

I'm Tagged!

I’ve been tagged!

The fabulous makeup artist, Elke Von Freudenberg, tagged me with this meme... well, okay, she didn't really tag me, but I'm going to pretend that she did... sounds so much better than "I stole this meme from her". You may have noticed that I steal memes a lot. I'm just not cool enough to get tagged, so I tag myself. Wow, I'm starting to sound like the Carrie Fisher character in "When Harry Met Sally", who bought herself flowers to make her married boyfriend jealous so he would leave his wife for her. Please don't leave your spouse for me or buy me flowers. Just tag me in your next meme. I don't care if it's a pity tag - which is sorta like pity sex, but not as pathetic.

Anyway, the meme. I'm answering 6 questions about me. You answer them too!
Okay. Here goes:

What were you doing ten years ago?
I was getting ready to move back home to Winnipeg after living in beautiful BC for a year. Vancouver was so beautiful, and we were just starting to make new friends. Leaving was so depressing... even it was for jobs that paid so much better we just couldn't refuse.

What are five things on your to-do list today?
(1) grocery shopping
(2) do dishes from last night
(3) do a short workout
(4) get kids to try on some clothes that were in storage
(5) bake banana muffins

Snacks you enjoy?
Any fruit, and lately, pita chips with mango/peach salsa

Places you’ve lived?
(1) Manila, Philippines
(2) Hilo, Hawai'i
(3) New Westminster, BC
(4) Winnipeg, Manitoba

What are 5 things you would do if you were a billionaire?
(1) Pay off all debts and mortgages
(2) Set aside money for kids' education
(3) Demo house and build a completely "green" house in its place
(4) Live in Hawai'i for 6 months (home-schooling the kids)
(5) Help out family and friends

People you want to know more about?
My ancestors and any family members all over the world that I may not even know about yet.

Okay, now you!

Who Shuns Metric, The Stud & his Muffin, and Today's Question

Time for one of those posts with links to recent cool things on the webby frontier...

1: Check out this picture of countries who are NOT using the Metric System.

2: I just LOVE Reese and Jake!!! As my fav celeb gossip girl Lainey recently said, "Love them so much they make me squee."
And I did just that when I saw these pics at JustJared, and not just because Jake looks like how I picture those dudes in my favourite erotic novels... well, mostly because of that. :)
Really, I'm so happy they've found each other. She's a dedicated mom, beautiful, and "Academy Award winning" - talented, with the smarts and strength to ditch a cheating ex. He's a talented actor, really hot (seriously, check out those pictures!), a down-to-earth family guy (judging by pics with his sister, niece, and Reese's kids), and all-around just nice!
I really hope they make it. Squee!

3: Head over to Bionic-Beauty and answer today's question. I am! :)

Have a good one!

The FINAL Verdict, Vegetarianism, and Me...

[Warning: This post contains feminine topics that would be considered TMI. Reader discretion is advised.]

Yesterday morning, I received unequivocal, undeniable, and NOT unreliable proof that we are NOT expecting Baby #3.

In other less-confusing words: I know I'm not pregnant because I got my period. (Yes, I totally went there.)

A part of me is sad about what may have been, but definitely not sad enough to poke holes in all the condoms in the house.
The other not-sad, more-relieved part of me wants to celebrate, so if my girlfriends are reading this (and they all should be), let's do sushi!

So, here I sit, zapped-and-zippy on Advil because my cramps are killing me. (Yup, went there again.)
I'm still trying to process my feelings of the past few days. So, you're spared my soul-baring until a later post.

However, I will share with you, dear friends, the reason why I think I ended up on this recent rollercoaster ride: my newly-established vegetarianism.

After getting a negative on my HPT on Sunday, I thought "If not pregnancy, what else?" Then it struck me that going veg may have done it. Eliminating animal flesh eliminates a source of excess hormones, both natural and injected (in the animal - not in me). Maybe my body was trying to deal with the sudden change.
So, I hit the "magic info box" to see if there were other women similarly affected.

Again, google did not disappoint.

Yes, many new-vegetarian women temporarily experienced one or more of the following:
1: longer cycles (ie. late periods), some by weeks
2: missed periods, as many as two
3: anovulation (ie. temporary infertility where no egg has been released)
4: lighter flow
5: shorter periods

If you're considering going veg, be prepared for any of the above.
So far, I've experienced #1 and #4 (light for me, but still heavy). I'm also hoping for #5. Too bad "No Cramping" wasn't on the list... meh, at least I have Advil.

There you go, dear friends. Do you agree or disagree with my assessment? If you have another idea, I'd love to hear it!

Benthony

Roomie and I were driving down Corydon Avenue when we spotted a poster of Anthony Robbins in one of the bus shacks...

Roomie: Doesn't he look like Ben Affleck? Like Ben Affleck could play him in a movie?

Me: Sure. I can see it.

Roomie: It wouldn't be easy for Ben Affleck though.

Me: Why?

Roomie: Well, if they kissed in real life, who would play Ben Affleck if Ben Affleck was playing Anthony Robbins for that scene in the movie?

And the Verdict is...

... I wish I knew.

I took a test yesterday, and it was negative. A very firm negative. But is it a false negative?

Looking back at my Twitter updates, drugstore receipts, and events in my datebook, I'm sure I was testing at the best time for a conclusive result. Maybe I'm off. Not sure, so I will definitely test again in a couple of days if I have to.

Meanwhile, I continue to have brain-splitting headaches for which I can't take anything - Ibuprophen and ASA are not allowed during pregnancies (even unconfirmed ones); Acetaminophen gives me an upset stomach - and I have cramps on and off.

It's been 4 years since since I've been pregnant so I don't remember if what I'm feeling is a pregnancy thing or a menstrual thing that I wouldn't normally pay attention to. Wish I knew.

Stay tuned... again...

Pheasant in Butter Sauce

Roomie and I took the kids to the Assiniboine Park Zoo last week. As we were passing the pheasant exhibit, Roomie turned and pointed to the information sign.

Roomie: You know that this is missing?

Me: No, what?

Roomie: What they taste like.

Me: What do you mean?

Roomie: Like "Juicy; Best served with a butter sauce."

Me: I don't think so.

Quiz: Let's Eat!

I really felt like doing a meme today, so I wandered over to Toni's blog because I know she's been tagged with some good ones. I chose this one that she made up herself because I haven't had breakfast yet, and I'm hungry!

Feel free to do it too. If you do, let me know in the comments so I can read your favourite eats too!

1. Favorite Comfort Food
Ichiban instant noodles... warm, salty, with just the right amount of MSG for the mind-numbing headaches... but still, yeah, it's my go-to dish when I'm feeling blue.

2. Favorite Breakfast Meal
Fried eggs with garlic fried rice and a sprinkling of soy sauce... buttered pandesal on the side... reminds me of breakfast at my grandmother's house in Bicol... and green tea...

3. Favorite Lunch Meal
Definitely sushi... or sashimi... served in a black plastic boat that takes over the entire table... and enough wasabi to clear the sinuses... glass of water...

4, Favorite Dinner Meal
Deep-fried calamari dipped in tzatziki with a side of caesar salad... glass of water... and a nice cup of decaf cappucino at the end.

5. Favorite Dessert
Pavlova... must have strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries... without that, it's just crap... sweet, sweet tasty crap...

6. Favorite Cake
Mocha mud pie... I know it's called a pie, but it is a cake through and through

7. Favorite Pasta
Angel hair with a simple tomato-basil sauce... I'm totally with Toni on this one! simple and tasty...

8. Favorite Dish That Others Find Weird
Rice with ketchup has very few fans... too bad... it's a weird and tasty food... when all you can afford is rice and a few ketchup packets...

9. Favorite Fruits That You Haven’t Eaten In A While
I'll also say durian, papaya, dragonfruit, and lichee (the nut that masquerades as a fruit)... guess I really am an island girl...

10. Favorite Junkfood
Barbecue flavoured chips... with a rootbeer chaser...

11. Favorite TV Show Related to Food (Cooking show, Travel show with food, etc.)
I love travel-food shows! they are my favourite... David Rocco's La Dolce Vita... but I think that's been canceled though... so I'll also mention Rachel Ray's Tasty Travels... pretty much any travel show on FoodTV

12. Favorite Pastries
Fruit in phyllo pastry and butter tarts...

13. Favorite Way to Eat Potatoes
baked... with a generous dollop of butter, green onion, and sour cream

14. Favorite Ice Cream
Mint Chocolate Chip

15. Favorite Alcoholic Drink When You Really Really Really Want to Party
I don't drink anymore, but I used to love Singapore Slings... sweet, fruity with a nice buzz

16. Favorite Bar Chow
Poutine, which could also double as junkfood... tasty, evil junkfood...

17. Favorite Chicken Dish
Piccata... I don't eat the chicken pieces, but the sauce is awesome on rice or pasta... lemon, butter, and capers...

18. Favorite Place to Eat with Your Sweetheart or Your Best Friend (Choose 1)
Alycia's on McGregor with my Sweetheart... it's where we had our 2nd date... pan-fried perogies, holobchi, and the best borscht in town... very relaxed place, like someone's livingroom...

19. Favorite Place to Eat with your Family
Skinner's in Lockport... the best diner EVER... we went there on Roomie's birthday last year, and it was so much fun! It's a short drive out of town with a lot of historical sites in the area... enjoyable place to visit in the summer.

20. Fill in the blanks: I wish I could eat ____ in/at _____ with ______.
"I wish I could eat croissants at a cafe in Paris with Roomie."
(yes, I said croissants... don't faint.)

Roomie Looked At Me

I wasn't certain that I'd blog about this topic because many of my RL friends and family read this blog.
In fact, this topic is the reason why I haven't blogged for a few days. I've needed some introspection time. Well, that, plus I've managed to get my computer infected with something nasty, and have been afraid to touch it ever since fearing it would blow up, scream obscenities at me, or scream obscenities at me *then* blow up. I'm on Roomie's laptop right now.

Anyway, I've ranted up and down how Roomie and I were done at 2 kids. Well, there's a chance we aren't done at 2 kids. We don't know for sure yet. We should know by Sunday. Maybe.

One thing I know for certain: a condom won't work if it's still on the nightstand when you're done. And no, opening the packet doesn't count. You actually have to use it.

Even Roomie, who's always wanted a #3, has had this perpetual "Holy Crap" look on his face.

He's joked that all he has to do is look at me and I'd be pregnant. Now, we're afraid he might be right, and we'll have to poke his eyes out as a means of birth control.

If I am, I know I'll fall in love with it instantly, as I did the other two. But if I'm not, you can bet we'll be more careful in the future.

Stay tuned...

Blog the Recession Month

The Blogosphere tends to go dormant during the summer months, which really sucks when you're trying to make a living via blogging... like me. (What? You thought I was doing it for the stalkers and public humiliation fame?!).

People are camping, vacationing with their kids, enjoying the Great Outdoors and living their lives, instead of enjoying the Great Indoors on their computers, reading blogs, boosting page views, clicking on ads, and getting pastier by the second. The nerve of these people!

So, Kristin over at Motherhood Uncensored conjured up this brilliant idea to fight the fight and Blog the Recession. She says...

If you read blogs, then for the month of August, make the "pledge" to click through from your feed reader. No obligation to leave a hilarious comment or send a long stalkerish email (although both, within reason, are always lovely). Just click through to the blog (not on ads unless you are so led) and if you're feeling generous, click around to their older posts.

Just those extra page views can make a big difference for bloggers who could really use the help...


You see, reading posts on your feedreader doesn't count as a page view. Only when you click through to the actual blog does it count as a page view. And, yes, every click counts!

So, feel free to check out my favourite posts in the sidebar, my recent entries, and the oldies-but-goodies in the Archives.

Go ahead. Click for me, and I'll click for you!

The "Share & Get A Smutty Book" Results...


Images from wikipedia.org

I really enjoyed reading which performers would portray you and your love interest and what kind of movie your biopic would be. Some fun ideas there, and I appreciate you sharing them with us.

So now, without further ado, congratulations to harmzie, whose nerdy-infused, political thriller biopic stars Helen Hunt and Bill Murray... OR herself and Adam Levine... I don't think it was every confirmed. :)
She now needs to head on over to the lifecandy shop and let me know which erotic/romantic fiction book she'd like me to add to her home library.

Thanks to all who participated!
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