Elbows off the table. Check.
No singing/humming/rapping at the table. Check. (Yeah, rapping at the table was a problem for a while.)
No dancing at the table. Check.
Use your utensils. Still working on this one -- they're still not convinced that not everything is fingerfood.
Chew with your mouth closed. Check -- most of the time.
Our newest lesson is: No farting at the table.
I never knew this would be such a big problem for us. The modus operandi seemed so straight-forward: You hold it in until you next have to use the bathroom.
Despite the effort, we still ended up with the occasional accidental 'outgas' -- and by 'we', I mean Lam. Yes, it's a proud mom moment.
So, I decided that, if he truly can't hold it in any longer, he is allowed to leave the table, go to an empty room, let loose, then come back.
On this new plan, we've had good evenings, and when it's bad, it's like a revolving door between the diningroom and livingroom. Then there's last night...
The four of us were having dinner, enjoying pleasant conversation, catching up on our day, when Lam jumped off his chair and ran to the livingroom.
Me: "Hey, where are you going?!"
Lam (from the livingroom): "I need to fart!!!" He returns to the table.
Me: "You should've excused yourself to let us know."
Roomie: "Or you could just try harder to hold it in until after dinner."
Me: "It's good practice."
Roomie: "Yeah, you'll appreciate it when you're older. Like when you're in your car with your girlfriend. You can't fart, so you hold it until you can stop and tell her that you have to check the headlights or something. So, you make sure you walk ALL THE WAY around the car, then let loose as much as you want."
Me: "Right." At this point, I was foolishly thinking this was the end of the topic -- apparently, I was mistaken.
Roomie: "Just let it ooze out a bit at a time so she won't hear you." Sigh.
Me: "Or just make sure the windows are closed." Crap, why didn't I just shut up? Now I'm just encouraging them.
Roomie: "When you had dinner at Adam's, did you feel like farting?"
Roomie: "What did you do?"
Lam: "I held it in."
Roomie: "It's easy, right? Look at me. I'm holding my farts in right now because --"
Me: "Okay, can we please talk about something else at the dinner table?!"
Great. I just wrote a whole post about farts. My pride is choking me.
Image by James Byrum