Just for Me

When did buying tealights and mascara become a luxury for me? Why do I feel guilty every time I buy a new lipstick at Aveda even though I completely scraped out my last tube the previous month? And how often does Roomie have to nag me to make a massage appointment for myself before I actually feel like it's justified?

These were the questions that went through my mind on the way home from my friend Cindy's candle party (where I bought the tealights, btw). I was actually giddy with my new purchases... it was almost absurd. LOL

I think back (way back) to the days when I used to consider going for massages, getting regular pedicures, and having weekly sushi dinners scheduled activities, things "we just did", and de rigueur. Now, they feel like extravagant, wasteful dissipation.

The only yet extremely significant difference is that I'm a parent and homeowner now. Time, money and energy are all going into the care of my kids and the maintenance of our home.
Spa facials, dinners at posh restaurants, and a night of dancing are fleeting and pale in comparison to the warm little hugs, the stories and funny little jokes shared, and the unsolicited "I love you, Mommy"'s which will be with me forever.

But is this way of living actually doing me more harm than good? Am I compromising my effectiveness as a parent by not allowing myself a break, a treat, time just for me? And what am I teaching my children about treating one's self with care and love? Am I unknowingly telling them that I'm not worth it, and that when they become parents, they must forgo any personal pleasures for their families?

Good heavens, I hope not!

I started this blog to express myself as more than just a mom, and as I write this, I see that I've been remiss in honouring that non-mom part of me. This has got to change. Oh, I'm not going to go back to monthly massages and weekly sushi again - I still have a mortgage! But I will make it a point to enjoy the pleasures that life has to offer a little more often.