I put on a hula demonstration/workshop at my kids' school BBQ yesterday. Yes, it was Hawaiian-themed, so no, I wasn't just some crazy woman who jumped on stage in her coconut bra screaming at people to "Wiggle it or die!!!"
Actually, I didn't do that. You'd have to give me a few gin and tonics -- then just a wee bit of encouragement -- for that to happen.
Gotta say, it's been 3.5 years since I closed my hula school, so I was nervous to the point of
near-hysterics, and if anyone had looked at me the wrong way, I would've totally stabbed them with a BBQ skewer or thrown up on them mild shakes.
But it all turned out well, and everyone seemed to really enjoy dancing. Or they were nice enough to humour me by clapping when it was all done. Or maybe they were just happy that I was done torturing them.
Anyway, they were all very kind and supportive, and I was more than a little relieved that I got through it without spontaneously screamed profanities at everyone.
Yeah, I'm a weird nervous person.
No worries though -- my kids are only in Kinder and Grade 2. I have plenty of time to find other more-delightful ways to earn the "Weird Mom" badge and ruin my kids' reputation in front of their friends. Hehehe.
Roomie took a video of the performance, but until I work up the courage to post it here (yes, I will -- I promise!), you'll have to put up with this post I stole from Mr. Adam...
1. It's 2AM and you are not home. You are more than likely:
Dead on the street, because that would be the only reason why I'm not in my bed by 10pm. I evidently lead a very exciting life.
2. What's the last thing you spent more than $100 on?
I bought $100 worth of perennials and other gardening material recently. Feels like my wallet punched me in the face, but my garden looks kickass!
3. What do your bank checks look like?
They're covered in dust. And tears.
4. Where did the shirt you are currently wearing come from?
Zeller's. $7. It's a plain, black, v-neck T. I think I'll be going back to wearing my classic solid coloured t-shirts like I did when I was young and thin. Because I have delusions that wearing those t-shirts will actually make me young and thin again.
5. Name something that will be on your Christmas wish list:
iPhone. Because I still think "iPad" sounds too much like a feminine hygiene product.
6. What color is your toothbrush?
I don't know the name of the colour. Chartreuse? All I know is that it's the same colour as Roomie's and he keeps thinking it's his. And uses it.
7. Name something you collect and tell us about it.
Books. Home decor, feng shui, natural eating, romance, erotica. There's nothing like flipping the pages of a book. Better than tv. Or sex. Or pavlova. Okay, I lie -- NOTHING is better than pavlova and sex. At the same time.
8. Last restaurant you ate at. Who were you with? How was it?
Stella's on Grant. With Mini. Their caesar salad is loaded with garlic and is simply perfection. I just have to make sure I don't have plans to neck with my hot husband -- or my pretend boyfriend Gerard Butler -- shortly afterward.
9. Who was the last person you bought a birthday card for?
My grandmother, who lives in Seattle, has dementia, and doesn't quite remember who I am. But she adores the pictures of my kids I enclose in her birthday card. Whoever those kids are.
10. What is your worst bad habit?
Spending too much money on Starbucks. Which is where I am right now. Dammit.
11. Name a magazine you subscribe to?
I don't subscribe to magazines, just a lot of online mailing lists of fitness/wellness blogs. They haven't really helped me. Clearly their fault, and not the fault of the carby loaf of bread I just ate. Of course.
12. Your favorite pizza toppings?
Cheese. Just cheese. Mini taught me the beauty of simple toppings. She's brilliant. Something she inherited from me naturally.
13. Whose number were you looking up the last time you used a phone book?
The number of the nearest pharmacy. Or was it the car doctor place? I don't remember.
14. Other than family, who is the person that you love most?
Other than family, eh? I'd have to say the person making my Starbucks iced green tea drink at the moment.
15. What is the last thing you cooked?
Pasta. For lunch. Because if I didn't make pasta for lunch, my son will think I don't love him. No, that's not true. Well, maybe a little. To him, pasta = "love", and broccoli = "mommy's trying to kill me".
16. Name something you wouldn't want to buy used?
A condom. Underwear. Toothbrush. Food.
17. Which shoe do you put on first?
This depends on (a) which foot I'm putting my weight on at the moment, (b) which shoe is the closest, and (c) which foot already has a sock on.
18. What is the last thing you remember losing?
My keys. I found them again after a whole afternoon of panicking and ultimately finding them in my bed sheets. I honestly don't know how they got there. No, it wasn't anything weird or perverted. I think.
19. What is the ugliest piece of furniture in your house?
The telephone stand in our bedroom. I'd rather set it on fire than keep it in my house. But Roomie might cry. I'm kidding.
20. Last thing you bought and ended up returning?
I don't remember. I think it was shower curtain rings. I was thinking of using them for purposes other than the curtain rod. $5 to the one who guesses correctly what the alternate purpose was.
21. What perfume/cologne do you wear? If none, why?
Fruits & Passions' Jasmine, usually layered onto my coconut lotion.
22. Your favorite board game?
23. What was the last board game you played?
24. Where did your vehicle come from?
We bought it from my manager at Nortel 12 years ago. He decided he was more "BMW" than "Tercel". Then he tried to buy it back a year later. Heh. No way.
25. If a movie was made about your life what would the theme song be?
Why does "It's Raining Men" keep echoing through my brain? I think "I am Woman" by Helen Reddy.
26. You're sad, who can cheer you up easily?
Roomie, my kids. And Mr. Gin & Tonic.
27. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to?
28. What house cleaning chore do you hate to do the most?
Washing floors. Especially behind the toilet.
29. What is your favorite way to eat chicken?
Orally, same as Adam. Also, in Butter Chicken form.
30. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is?
Not in the shape of Dora, Bakugan, or Pokemon. Or penis.