It's been a long time since I've done one of those full disclosure purse thingies. Judging from all the emails I got the last time I displayed the contents of my Big Bag o' Trouble, I think I gave you nightmares for a week!
But I'm doing the minimalish-ist thing, so I think my purse will be less scary. (I don't know -- do any of you consider a Hello Kitty lanyard scary?) I don't just shove anything in there anymore. Every item has a reason for being. And this is more important now than ever before because I'm going car-free and don't necessarily want to lug extra crap around if I don't have to.
Now what if an alien (like one of the hot Star Trek aliens that look human... think: The Outrageous Capt. Thadiun Okona) or your neighbourhood hobo happened across my forgotten bag? What would they think this person is? (I'll include my take too.)
1: Sponge Bob Bag (borrowed from Mini)
Alien: "Fun-loving. I'd like to hang out with this person."
Hobo: "I can wear it as a hat."
Me: "This is a 12-year-old girl or boy."
2: Aveda Lip Tint in Cocoplum
Alien: "She's a woman... Oooh, yeaaah..."
Hobo: "Can I eat that?"
Me: "Oh, she is a girl. Or a boy who stole his sister's lipstick. Or a boy who wears lipstick."
3: Historical Romance Novel
Alien: "She loves romance. Romance with hot humanoids like me."
Hobo: "Oh, toilet paper!"
Me: "She's an adult. Who loves romance novels. Probably likes to read them when she has to wait for long periods of time."
4: Antibacterial wash
Alien: "I like a clean woman." Um. Okay.
Hobo: "What is this shit? I wouldn't know. I don't have cable. Hey, this belongs to a woman with cable!"
Me: "She hates germs. Probably likes to use it just before she eats. She likes going to restaurants."
5: Aveda Lotion
Alien: "She has soft skin."
Hobo: "Smells like stuff I can eat."
Me: "She probably lives in a very dry area, and her skin gets parched."
Alien: "I wonder if she writes down her fantasies." This dude's getting weird and creepy.
Hobo: "More toilet paper!"
Me: "She likes to stay organized. And when she gets an idea, she doesn't want to lose it, so she jots it down."
Alien: "I bet these are her birth control pills." Really, dude? And are your headache pills as big as apples?
Hobo: "This isn't much of a meal."
Me: "She gets headaches or really bad PMS, and she wants to be prepared. She won't let headaches or cramps put a damper on her day!"
Alien: "Hey, her husband's cute too. Maybe he'll be interested in a threesome!" Oh, for the love of-!
Hobo: "She's got no cash. Hey, but there's a lot of toilet paper in here too!
Me: "She's a mom and wife, and her family is everything to her. And she's everything to them -- a couple of "I love Mom" notes from her kids. A Starbucks card -- she loves her coffee. Oh, a receipt... decaf. Another receipt... tea. She's nice -- she's signed her donor card."
Alien: "Only 2 keys. It'll be easy to figure out which one goes to her bedroom. Hehehe..."
Hobo: "Great. I can pick the wax outta my ears with this here long key."
Me: "She has a yoga key fob. She likes yoga and staying healthy. And not a lot of keys. She has a house and a car. Very simple."
10: MP3 player with Hello Kitty lanyard (not in photo: ladybug ear buds)
Alien: "I bet she has hot sexy music on this thing."
Hobo: "Maybe I can trade this for a shopping cart. Oh! Or a tinfoil hat."
Me: "Hmm. Maybe she is a 12-year-old girl."
11: Razr Cell Phone
Alien: "Oh, I'll call her and see if she's home." I hope he doesn't find out where I live.
Hobo: "I can get a second tinfoil hat with this!"
Me: "She's social. And she has many friends she can call and who love her."
12: Reusable Shopping Bag
Alien: He's already left for my house.
Hobo: "I can use this for my tinfoil hats. And as a shirt when it's hot."
Me: "She respects the environment. Good girl."
How about you? What's in your bag?!
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