I'm sick. Have been since Friday. Sore throat, fever, sinus congestion, etc. etc. etc. I've had very little energy to do anything more than watch tv, maybe knit a bit of Mini's blanket, moan, surf for pretty things online, and -- when I have the rare burst -- cranky tweet.
But mostly, I've also had a chance to think. Many thoughts. Mainly, that I'm not a complete idiot.
Really. When making decisions, I do my research and use logic when needed. I know not to give in when I get the sudden, inexplicable urge to pour my glass of iced green tea all over Roomie's head. I know that I should never wear mom jeans. And thanks to 40 years of life experience and encouragement from Roomie to trust my instincts, I've improved my ability to recognize then ignore bullshit of most kinds. All in all, I am smart.
Bu if this is all true... why did I buy into the bullshit in my brain?
You know, the little stress-causing voice in my head that...
- said my being a SAHM and the family go-to person isn't important enough.
- demanded I should make more of a contribution to the family because I'm the lucky one who gets to stay home.
- declared that my blogging successes are nothing more than fluke.
- my being overwhelmed by unfinished house projects (for example, decluttering) is a sign of my personal weakness, laziness, inadequacy, etc.
And I believed it. All of it. For a very long time.
Then something changed, and I finally woke up. And throughout the next few days, I got signs reinforcing the fact that I was headed in the right direction, among them a dear friend telling me to stop selling myself short.
Now, I'm doing some exciting things, making improvements, changing my thought patterns and habits, getting on top of the stress, and make myself happy in an effort to take control of my life, get myself back on track and as far away from the wall as possible.
I can't wait to tell you all what I've been up to!
And I will after I get over this miserable cold. Please send good healthy thoughts. And soup.