the cat and the string... as told by the cat.

12 September 2009

Hi! Mittens here. This is my story.

The day started out pretty much the same as usual. I woke up just as I heard my people come out of The Magical Room I'm Not Allowed to Go Into. (I think they call it The Bedroom.)

We went downstairs, and I found my place between my Mommy and her brother (aka Uncle Lam) as they watched tv from the couch.
See? Just like this picture, except here, they're eating popcorn and I'm using my powers of cat telepathy to get someone to give me a treat. (No, it didn't work.)

Meanwhile, Gramma started puttering around in that room where my food dish is, and Grampa (Gramma calls him "Roomie, or "Honey", or "Arg, That Man!") sat in front of that magic window that shows him words and pictures, like a tv but he carries it around and clicks on it.

Eventually, I decided to use the litter box. It was a little more difficult than usual. Afterward, something still felt... stuck. To my bum. I rubbed my bum on the nearest thing (a step stool) and tried to take care of it as best as I could, but I couldn't shake that "stuck" feeling. Meh, I thought, walked out of the room, and went along my merry way for a while.

Next thing you know, Gramma's laughing, and Grampa's chasing after me with a pair of scissors.

You see... The pink string I ate the other day? Yeah, it was hanging out of my bum. That's what felt stuck!

Grampa cut some of the sting off so all that was left was what you see in this picture.

Suddenly, he and Gramma were talking really fast about poop being dragged around the house. And Grampa was waving his fist and ranting about washing the carpets to his satisfaction just like "the vomit pot during Katimavik". I don't know what that meant. Maybe Gramma will tell you.*

Then, to add insult to injury, they made me go outside -- to parade my pink-stringed bum to the world! And they wouldn't let me back into the house until I pooped the rest of the string out!

OMG, it was SO HUMILIATING!!!

I really didn't want anyone to see me, especially my ever-so-dreamy boyfriend Buddy (the hottie-hot cat 3 houses down) so I spent most of the day up in the neighbour's tree.

As I lay there on my favourite branch, I thought about the squirrels I usually chase, the huge frickin' birds that fly overhead and freak me out, my boyfriend Buddy, and well, pooping my humiliating string out so I could face the world again.

Oh, and I watched my Mommy and Uncle Lam as they splashed around in their inflatable pool. I avoided them. They kept trying to splash me with water when I came too close.

Yeah, it was a pretty hot day. I was glad Gramma put my water dish out for me on the deck so I could come down from my Branch of Shame and have a drink once in a while.

Luckily, the string was short, got quickly pooped out, and I was once again allowed inside my house.

The step stool I rubbed my bum on was put outside, and Gramma freaked out when she found out that Mommy washed it off in the inflatable pool. So, Grampa had to clean the pool out too.

That Grampa. He's always so grumpy.

* - Roomie joined Katimavik in his late teens. During one of his rotations, one of his group members threw up in one of the cooking pots. (No, it was not Roomie.) Even though the pot was well-scrubbed afterward, each group member felt the need to wash it again to their own personal satisfaction before feeling comfortable enough to use it for cooking. Roomie estimates the pot must've been washed 20 times.

10 comments - LEAVE YOURS HERE...:

kyooty said...

oh poor kitty!!!! dont' eat the human hair either it creates a similar banning from the house!

Laura Gerencser said...

Great story!!:):) Reminds me of my cats!

Cyndi said...

hilarious!!

AndreAnna said...

Poor kitty!! I can't imagine it would be a pleasant experience to have a string hanging from one's anus.

Anonymous said...

Fortunately, your household already had a rectum cloth handy for such occasions.

Just be grateful it wasn't pantyhose.

Wait until Xmas when the cat sees the tinsel on the tree! Now you see it, now you don't... but imagine the festivities when you see it again! Because nothing says "celebration" like a dozen strands of tinsel being paraded around the house, extruded from a cat's poop hole!

Sue said...

Woman your posts crack me up!!
Who else posts about strings from cats bums? haha! Priceless!

Country Girl said...

Your kitty is one helluva blogger!

harmzie said...

Do you think Mittens would do a guest post for me?

Donn w/2 Ns said...

I concur with the comment concerning the terror "tearer" of tinsel in the p-hole...MeeOUCH!

And cats are so ubergross when they parade around with their tail up in the air..seriously...they strut around and think they're being so posh...Hel-LO!

Why cats feel the need to ingest tinsel (or string) is beyond me although I do get the "OOH SHINY!" part.


As for the horrific story of the communal puke-pot...you have raised my OCDish germophobia to "11" and I am now putting my HAZMAT gear on and scrubbing all of my cookware.
:P Yuck!!

word verification was "turdo"
I kid you not

Snappy Di said...

How funny.... one of my rottweilers, may he R.I.P., used to require a bit of help wiping his poopie butt. But we won't go into that... LOL

Di

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