The Neighbourhood Strumpet...

Okay, remember this photo? It's the demolition of the house across the street.


Well, a few months ago, I met the new neighbour in the house to the right of all that destruction.

He'd moved in last Fall, so the meeting was long overdue. He's a 25-year-old single guy with a freakin' huge rottweiler about twice the size of Mini. When I first saw this guy sitting on his front step with his Hulk-Hogan-sized monster running around without a leash, I had a feeling he wasn't going to be my favourite person.

Strike #1 against the new neigbour dude.

So, anyway, in July, I spotted the new guy in his front yard sans monster. If that animal had been out there, I would've just waved -- from the safety of my home -- and put off meeting him in person for another year. Since I felt relatively safe, I crossed the street and introduced myself...

Me: "Hi, I'm Nenette."

Jon: "I'm Jon. Nice to meet you."

Me: "Those are my kids running around my yard."

Jon: "Yeah, you have a, um, busy house." *smiling wryly*

The smile kinda confused me. It seemed like he wasn't talking about my kids.

Me: "Um, yeah..." *eyeing him suspiciously* "... so, have you met my husband? You must've seen him around here."

Jon: "No, I don't think so."

He'd been living there for almost a year, and he's never even seen Roomie... ever? Yeah, right.

Me: "Really? You've never seen a tall Caucasian guy at my house? About 6' tall, brown hair, green eyes, thin?"

Jon: "Oh, him! Oh, yeah, I've seen him."

WTF?!? If Jon didn't think the guy constantly on my property was my husband, who did he think Roomie was?!!!

Did he think Roomie was my guy-on-the-side, who sprinted out the front door every morning before my "husband" would come home? Yuck!!!

Strike #2 against new neighbour dude.

Before he could strike out completely, I walked away, smile frozen on my face, with an excuse to go and check on my kids.

So, did I totally misread him? Was I seeing too much into his reactions and words? Would you think the same thing?... Or have I finally become completely paranoid and crazy in my advanced years? What do you think?

12 comments:

  1. Me? I think he was hoping that you were single.

    Oh, and this?

    He's a 25-year-old single guy with a freakin' huge rottweiler

    Rottweiler = penis extender.

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  2. That's what I was going to say - perhaps it was some wishful thinking on his end. You sure put him in his place. Bwahahaha!

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  3. I believe it was "Roomie" who relayed the story of a former co-worker sizing up a pregnant lady in the mall (it was *way* former), summarizing: "hey, at least you know she goes!" (the co-worker said this, not R - at least that's what he told *me*!)

    Perhaps this young man's thought process was along those lines. Or perhaps he's just socially awkward. It's not like you don't know anyone who's socially awkward! ;-) (the rottweiler's new).

    And men can be pretty dense unless you bring up specifics, so that he didn't note your husband until you described him in detail isn't too surprising. If he really was checking you out, he would have notice the omnipresent male personage, and would at least asked you if you had a gardener (you can use that one on your next treat *night*)

    Just sayin'. On the other hand the rottweiler has at least two strikes for me right there. The no-leash thing is at least another 23.

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  4. @wyliekat:
    oh, I didn't realize the significance of the dog. Excellent insight... thanks!

    @Kari:
    Yeah, perhaps he wanted to get in line! LOL Yikes!

    @harmie:
    Well, the "Oh, him! Yeah, I've seen him" indicated to me that he *was* aware of my omnipresent male. It was the fact that he thought this constant male presence couldn't have been my husband was something I took exception to!

    And the only way he could've even thought of Roomie as the gardener is if he went to the back yard. Roomie has never done any work in my frontyard garden (since Jon moved in)... just like his backyard garden is off-limits to me! LOL :)

    The dog has since been relegated to his backyard behind the NEWLY-BUILD FENCE! Whew! If Jon hadn't built this fence, Roomie's first meeting with him about a month ago wouldn't have been as cordial as it was!

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  5. Did he build this fence himself?... with no shirt on?... in the hot sun?... Where was my invite for an iced-tea???

    Referring back to a different thread, you don't have to like them, or even respect them to appreciate their, um, "presence". Yeah, Men are pigs ;-)

    It's taking a lot for me to not go into the whole off-leash/vicious-dog tirade. Suffice to say: there's a tirade.

    and penis extender? I forgot to add: "LOL - no doubt" before! (but my attitude *might* be related to the tirade.)

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  6. @harmzie:
    Yeah, he built the fence himself but, to be honest, he's not a treat to look at. And the situation was worsened *when* he took his shirt off. His buddy on the other hand was alright. :)

    And about the "off-leash/vicious-dog" thing, I'm trying to hold back my own tirade, for my own piece of mind, really. Just because I didn't write about my desire to hassle Jon about that, it doesn't mean I didn't want to do it. Believe me, I was close to tearing him another one when I saw the no-leash situation.
    But I knew that if I did, it would really take over my life.
    Before Jon built the fence, I was obsessing about that damn dog day and night to the point of paranoia "Brent-style" -- the kids weren't allowed to go out the front door, only the side door, and Roomie and/or I had to be with them at all times.

    Anyway, I'm much better now. :)

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  7. That's a shame. A waste of a good fence...

    ;-)

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  8. @harmzie:
    you said it. :( quite sad 'bout that...

    ...lol

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  9. I'm still laughing at you calling yourself the neighbourhood strumpet - I haven't heard that word in AGES. BTW - IMO he's a weirdo. Just keep smiling and keep one eye on him at all times :)

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  10. @motherbumper:
    :) It was a toss-up between "strumpet" and "trollop", and the former won the coin toss.
    I think you're right... we'll keep an eye on him. Thanks.

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  11. Well, since you're the strumpet, I'll take dibs on the trollop. :)

    Does he drive a sports car? If so, he's definitely got a small penis. And it sounds like a small, pea sized brain as well. Certainly *not* a good combo, unless it was packaged in a purdy Carlisle Cullen-like package. Which apparently it isn't, so blah. Pfft. Off with his head.

    On another note, my dogs are off-leash but only in their fenced backyard. Now my pup though, he's taken to gallivanting around the neighborhood by sneaking under the fence. How do I contain him?!? Grrrr...

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  12. @jami:
    If you are a trollop, you are a responsible pet-owning trollop! :) It makes sense to be off-leash behind a fence, but he's doing it in the front yard, no fence, little children everywhere.

    He drives an SUV, which is probably the only vehicle the dog could fit in. Sorry, SUVs just don't make any sense here in this city. It's flat prairie with nary a hill, and it takes less than an hour to get from one end of the city to the other.

    Yeah, no Cullen-anything anywhere around that guy.

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